From Abandoning to Companioning
An Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy approach to being with the experience of grief.
Monday 12th October 7-8.30pm
Presenters: Denise Howes and Marie Mooney
It’s likely that we all identify strongly as compassionate people and are involved as compassionate community members in various aspects of our working and personal lives. The word ‘compassionate’ is becoming increasingly used as a value in organisations. But what does that really mean?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an evidence based non-pathologising model of psychotherapy developed by Dr Richard Schwartz in the 1980’s. Schwartz originally trained as a systemic family therapist and it came to him that the mind is naturally multiple and composed of distinct sub personalities or parts, interacting much like members of external family systems. [Please note, this is very different from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) which involves distinct alternative identity states or “alters”.]
The centre of the IFS model is the core Self which is a compassionate and courageous presence – much like that of an inner unconditionally loving and wise parent. We all have a core Self present which is ready to emerge and be the inner leader.
The foundational premise of IFS is that there are no inherently bad parts and that even destructive or exhausting behaviours are trying to protect the individual from pain whether as managers (proactive protective parts to maintain control and prevent the pain breaking through) or fire-fighters (reactive protective parts that spring into action when the pain breaks through using distraction, numbing or impulsive behaviours to soothe the distress.)
In IFS therapy, the core Self relates to these parts often initially with just one of the 8 C’s – curiosity, compassion, calm, clarity, confidence, courage, creativity and connectedness. These emerge naturally when we operate from the core Self rather than a blended protector part.
In the experience of grief, people encounter many parts or aspects of themselves, often simultaneously – sadness, anger, guilt, despair, numbing, fogginess, relief, fatigue and so on.
“IFS invites us not to force ourselves to “get over” grief but to develop a compassionate relationship with the parts of us that grieve. Healing does not come from pushing grief away or making it disappear. Instead, it comes through the presence of Self turning toward our grieving parts and offering them the accompaniment they crave or have always needed.” [Sean Cuthbert]
In the October Discussion Group, counsellors and psychotherapists Denise Howes and Marie Mooney will share how they incorporate IFS in the experience of grief.
After a brief introduction to IFS from Denise, Marie will demonstrate how she uses figurines and commonplace objects to represent the parts with the Self at the core.
Participants are invited to:
- Experience their own Self energy
- Identify the resources that support them
- Bring to mind an experience of loss of mild emotional intensity– past, present or anticipated
- Sense into, acknowledge and connect to the parts
- Relate with one particular part
Preparation:
Participants are requested to:
- Bring along 5-6 objects that will be used in the exercises. They can be figurines, rocks, crystals, or any everyday items, maximum 10cm
- Read the following article by Sean Cuthbert. There are also further IFS links at the end of the article for those who are interested:
Grief Loves Company: an Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy Lens on Parts Holding Sorrow
The Details
When: Monday 12 October 2026 7pm, finishing around 8.30pm
Where: Zoom - link will be sent on the day
2026-27 Members free - RSVP HERE
Non-Members $10 - BOOK HERE